As told to Lauren Levy by Abigail Friend.
I’m never going to stop sharing the gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, soul-shattering story of our sweet Aliza Rose. She was just 8 days old when she unexpectedly passed away. She was my first baby, and even though it wasn’t a planned pregnancy, I was so happy when I first learned that I was expecting her. I decided to name her Aliza from The Wild Thornberrys after finding out that she was a girl from a Christmas-inspired gender reveal. I was simply overjoyed.
My pregnancy was rough and I went into premature labor in February 2018. Thankfully, doctors were able to stop it. The early contractions were terrifying because she would’ve been born 10 weeks early, meaning she’d likely have to spend a good while in the NICU. Luckily, the medicine that doctors gave me stopped the contractions without harming her.
She was due May 16, 2018, but decided to make her appearance on May 12, 2018, at 11:52 p.m. I had an emergency C-section after more than 19 hours of labor because her head got stuck in the birth canal and I was mortified. I didn’t want to be cut open and was so scared.
But when the time came, although I was terrified, I was also just so excited to meet her.
I bawled when I first saw her and heard her cry. I instantly fell head over heels in love with my perfect baby. Aliza weighed 8 lbs. 8 oz. and was absolutely beautiful. She was completely healthy and the stayed that way for the first day and a half of her life.
Abigail Friend
Aliza was born happy and healthy, but then the HSV-1 virus attached to her spine, eating her lungs and brain.
Before she got sick, I didn’t mind people holding her but I didn’t want anyone kissing on her. Honestly, as a new mom, I worried about everything but I didn’t know it was even possible for babies to get the HSV-1 virus so that wasn’t even on my radar. About 36 hours after her birth, she first started showing symptoms, which included lack of energy, lack of eating, and low blood sugar.
It was around the end of day two when she started to get really sick and had to be taken to a better hospital.
Abigail Friend
I could do was cry, pray, beg God to save my baby, and fight for doctors to take me and my concerns seriously.
At first, doctors just thought that her sugar was an issue but didn’t think much of it. I knew something was wrong when she stopped eating and didn’t want to wake up. It was clear to me that there was a problem as soon as she first started getting sick, but no one would listen and the doctors didn’t finally start taking it seriously until after I threw a fit.
She started to swell up from all the fluid building up in her lungs. It caused her brain and lungs to get so swollen that you could see all the
They didn’t finally diagnose her with HSV-1 until three days before we had to pull the plug.
HSV-1 virus is also known as the common cold sore virus. Nearly 14,000 babies die every year from it and yet, it’s never talked about. Let me tell you, this was the most terrifying and awful thing I’ve ever experienced. I’d heard of the cold sore virus because it’s so common, but I’d never heard of babies getting it before this and I certainly didn’t know it was fatal.
The terrifying part of the HSV-1 virus is that anyone can be a carrier and not show any signs. This virus is fatal to infants under 2 weeks old and sometimes even for older babies. Doctors don’t know exactly when she caught it but can confirm it occurred during her first or second day of life.
It kills me knowing that someone I loved killed my only child.
Aliza caught it either from someone who didn’t wash their hands or someone who kissed her who is a carrier.
All of my family, Tyler, and a few close friends were the only ones who held her during those first two days. We told people not to get too close to her face if they were getting sick. Looking back, I definitely felt like I didn’t speak up as much as I could’ve about being strict with no kissing because I didn’t want to upset anyone, and I think a lot of new moms feel that way. But they shouldn’t because the consequences could be fatal.
There’s no way to ever know who gave it to her because it’s such a common virus. Part of me wants to know who it was, but at the same time, I don’t because I’d never forgive them. I’d forever have a deep hatred for them because they killed my baby.
At first, we still had hope, despite her diagnosis.
Doctors told us on May 19 that they didn’t think she was going to get better but that she could. Then, I asked if there was hope or false hope and they said there was real hope. So I held on to that.
But she was having trouble breathing and they had to put her on oxygen. Eventually, she was on so many machines and tubes you couldn’t even tell she was a baby. The medicine they gave her to help keep her comfortable also ended up causing seizures.
Her condition changed sporadically and at the drop of a dime. I tried so hard to do everything possible for her to make sure she survived, but it wasn’t enough.
The next day she was declared brain-dead and I held her as her heart stopped beating.
It took the virus six and a half days to completely destroy her body. I would go in and sit with her for a little bit and I would just sit there and see her on these machines and see them breathing for her and I would throw up.
I sang “You Are My Sunshine” as she passed away. The only way to describe this is that it’s absolutely soul-shattering. I can still hear the nurses’ voices echoing in my head telling me she was gone. The disease ate her lungs and brain and she suffered from not being able to breathe.
There’s not a moment goes by that I don’t think about her. Aliza was chubby, happy, cheeky, and she’s in my thoughts every day.
I decided to share our story because more people need to know about this so we can save more babies.
If one baby is saved from Aliza’s death, then she didn’t die in vain. Despite what some people think, I want everyone to understand that the HSV-1 virus is not the same as the sexually transmitted herpes – that’s HSV-2 – so you can still unknowingly be a carrier without having this STD. Please help us save more lives by sharing our story and NOT kissing babies. ALWAYS was your hands before touching a newborn or baby and NEVER kiss them.
