Although many people declared that the OP was the a–hole, others defended her and decided she was not.
One commenter thought she was in the wrong: “Ehhh they asked in advance, no harm no foul. They accepted your decision, but you made this into a huge issue when it was not. Literally nothing. We always say, what’s the harm in asking, the worst they can say is no. Is saying no so intensely difficult that you let this query ruin your birthday?”
Another commented that ESH, or everyone sucks here. “Your brother and sister in law shouldnt have blown up at you when you said their request upset you. BUT they did ask you first and seemed okay with postponing the announcement,” the person wrote. “You sound like you are 12, not coming up for 30. It’s a meal, who cares? The birthday princess thing is for tweens.”
Yet another Redditor shared, “BIL & SIL could have waited and not even say anything to OP or the rest of the family for another day or two.”
Someone else commented in general, she wasn’t being a jerk because “that was your celebration and they should not have tried to usurp it with their news. They asked and you said no.” But the person added that she was being an a–hole to herself “for getting that upset about it to the point you postponed and let it ruin your birthday celebration.”